Just Keep Breathing
by Drarry Contributor
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to breathe, and so when Harry wants Draco he just has to remind himself that whatever happens... all they can do is keep breathing, no matter how much life hurts. Drarry DracoxHarry HarryxDraco


I couldn't help but smile at the way that Luna was raising her eyebrow at me, it was as though I was up to something, she knew it, and that the only way out was to say what I'm up to aloud so that we can stop the pretenses. I've been hanging out at Luna Lovegood's house a lot after the war and found out today that she has been hanging out with someone new as well. Draco Malfoy has wormed his way into her good graces. Ginny doesn't know yet though just as my friends don't know what I'm planning to do.

I smirked and watched in amusement as Luna smiled easily back, fully intending on helping me with my plan as long as I say the arrangements aloud. That's the way she is. If you can say it out loud than it's something that has some potential in being done, but if someone can't then that means that there is shame in it and that it would disagree with the person's conscience. "I want to fuck Draco Malfoy and I don't give a damn who knows." I said, laying caution to the wind. She just giggled and ran a hand through her fluorescent hair and nodded slowly as though she already knew.

"I'm afraid it will be much harder than you think." She said with her voice soft and full of airy delight. Luna always supports love between friends which is probably why she is in a steady relationship with Ginny Weasley. "He's all alone, you know. There is no one to stand by him during these harsh times, but this isn't your fault. He just needs to reach out. The fucking will have to come much later." I almost laughed at the vulgar word that had escaped her lips but instead I frowned and looked over at a mirror with a soft smile.

"All we can do is keep breathing." I whispered softly and then smiled widely at her. Running a hand through my messy black hair I then turned around and started to leave but stopped when her hand took hold of my elbow.

"If you break him I will kill you." Her voice lost all of its distant beauty and instead held the bite of the words themselves and the feeling behind them. If I hadn't known she was with Ginny then I would claim that she's in love with him but that's ridiculous. She would never go out with someone if she had feelings for someone else. I nodded but her grip simply hardened in response. That's when her cold breath was on my ear. "You don't deserve him yet."

"Yet being the keyword," I nodded and then yanked my arm away from her but I made sure not to cause even the slightest injury on the beautiful woman. My heart began to beat quickly as though I could lose it at any moment and it wanted to give me as many of its sweet pumps as possible. That soft beating that no one else can hear no matter how loud, it's a comfort and a curse.

When I got outside I smiled softly and looked up at the sky as it began to fill with grey clouds, the same grey as Draco's eyes. The smile became softer as I moved through the spectacular garden full of unusual plants of all different colors. This is actually Ginny's forte rather than Luna's. The woman wouldn't know the difference between a sunflower and a rose but that's no matter. Ginny does and she's patient with her lover even when Luna doesn't understand the appeal of the normal looking garden. Luna has always been much more interested in the creatures of this world than the plants.

I Apparated home to my flat in the center of muggle London and walked into my flat. There is a book on the counter I haven't gotten that far in reading, but I promised Hermione I'd at least try to read a book a month. This month it's supposed to be a book called Un-London or something like that. I thought the irony of it was too much so I had to get the book as my first one to read, but frankly I've never been much of a reader so Hermione may have to forgive my lack of caring for the idea of wasting my life without finding enjoyment in reading. It's just something I don't care for. She doesn't care for Quidditch and I haven't made her go to a game since I discovered this… but maybe I should if she gives me the quiz that she threatened to give if only to be sure I'm actually reading.

The flat has been annoying quiet lately because no one ever comes over to congratulate me on being an impeccable wizard or ask me out or strip naked on the front porch. Even Kreacher is beginning to get used to my lack of visitors and stops making extra food every night. It's a little… disheartening. I used to want this but not now… not when I want to get in Draco's pants and have the whole wizarding world feel much better about his existence. Of course I haven't heard a peep about him lately which means he's probably been lying low. His friends have been off the radar as well. It should be something normal but I can't help but wonder if maybe he's pining after me too and is too scared about his feelings coming out by accident if he even sees me… but if that's true then he should be holed away in his manor.

Sitting down on my couch I looked around my overly simple living room with its drab curtains I haven't bothered to replace yet and the dull grey carpet, the only color Kreacher would allow in this room. I could have fought him on it but frankly it doesn't matter to me either way. Placing my feet up on the coffee table I closed my eyes and felt tired for the first time in a while. I haven't allowed myself to feel exhausted. If I allow myself to be exhausted then I allow weakness into my life and if I allow myself to be weak then Voldemort has won.

So I need this fuck from Draco.

Standing up slowly I grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill before asking Kreacher for some ink since I always forget where he puts it. With a masterful bow and a large smile he went off to get it like I just asked him to be best man at my wedding or something. In a flash he was back with the ink I had requested and then he left me alone knowing I want to be alone for this.

"Dear Draco Malfoy,

I doubt you want me to call you Draco, without the last name included because that would imply that we're something more and I don't want to imply anything in this letter. Except for maybe the fact that I'm not implying anything… but that might just be considered blunt. I don't really know. It's hard to think right now and I'm not going to stop this letter and suddenly grab a new one just because I'm babbling.

But in any case…

How long have you been friends with Luna? It seems a little weird that you'd be friends with her but I guess it's understandable. You're both so dreamy and distant but I like that about you two. Anyway, would it be alright if I can drop by sometime? I really want to get to know you better and not rely on the curses that I keep hearing from Ginny. She's just jealous you're spending so much time with Luna though, so don't take it to heart.

Anyway, send me a reply as soon as you can.

With All Sincerity,

Harry Potter."

I smiled at the letter and how much it fit me. Then I put it in an envelope and gave it to Kreacher to send it. I don't handle owls anymore since Hedwig died because that would be cruel, and I prefer her to be the last owl I ever lay a hand on. It's stupid according to some people but frankly I don't give a damn. I'm the bloody Chosen One so I can do whatever I want.

It took two hours for me to get a response, and I must admit that the letter was something I… wasn't really expecting.

"Dear Potter,

You must be daft if it really is you. Why else would you be sending letters to a traitor? No matter, come by at seven o' clock. I'll only have the wards down for you and you alone so if this isn't you then sod off. If it is then I would like to have a few words with you and your impudence at sending a Tawny Owl to my home. You should stick with purer owls than that, like that white one you used to fawn over.

Remember your manners and bring a gift.

Exclusively mine,

Draco Malfoy."

I smirked lightly, happy that he's still the same arse he was back in school. That's when I began to think of possible presents. My eyes glazed over as I thought of the mirror that Sirius had given me the year he died. He told me that if things ever get rough then I should open his present, and if I opened it I would get instructions on how to talk to him. I never used it, and finally opened it after his death. Tears filled my eyes as I looked away. No, I can't give some guy I just want to fuck… something like that.

"Kreacher," I said softly and cursed myself for the obvious crack in my voice. He appeared but looked scared and a little more than worried. Wiping my eyes I simply asked him for my money pouch I always keep hidden and then left the flat to go into Diagon Alley in order to buy the gift I want to give him. I put a spell on myself so that I would look different to anyone who saw me but never as someone that anyone would spend much time on. Then I began searching for the gift.

Looking into a shop full of mirrors I walked in without a moment's hesitation. It didn't take me long to find a small mirror that could only show someone's face with how small it is but it could show the entirety of that person's face. So I smiled into it and looked at my image before my gaze settled on my scar. Frowning deeply I put the mirror down and instead focused on the silver frame with ruby gems at the top and on the beginning of the handle. Along the round silver frame there were a series of smaller gems of different colors and shapes but what caught my eye most was the engraving which said, 'you are the fairest of them all.'

I thought for sure it was a play on Snow White until I realized the Wizarding World doesn't know about that fairytale. Going up to the shopkeeper I found out that it's the only one of its kind and so I bought it instantly with a smug smile and the knowledge that Draco's vanity will force him to accept. Wrapping it up in gold and silver paper I then left the shop and Apparated to my flat in order to change. God forbid I wear the same outfit I've been wearing all day to the Malfoy Manor!

When I got inside I glanced over at the letter he sent and felt the overwhelming temptation to send him a reply… but we're not on that level yet. I'll just arrive and see what happens there. A storm is coming but I don't mind. Tonight with Draco will change things. I smiled and closed my eyes. "If I could change the world then this would mean nothing to me, or to you. It would just be a casual moment between casual friends and then I'd leave and it would all be just fine. But I have to actually put effort into it and make sure that you know that this means nothing. I don't want Luna to kill me but I don't want to lie. So please oh please… be okay with this." I whispered and then slowly opened my eyes to see that I could hardly see.

I got ready quickly and soon I was able to see again with just some minor spots of wetness on my black button up shirt. I chose to wear muggle clothes knowing that it would annoy him but also knowing he needs to get used to this. People are going to do much worse to him, especially if the public doesn't see him for a while. When it neared seven, I Apparated to his Manor and found myself being ushered in by a female house elf who looked a little too excited to see a visitor.

The Manor itself was as beautiful as usual with doors of silver and gold along with beautiful roses growing wild in the front garden to greet its visitors who come in from the front. The last time I was here it was much gloomier without the casual luxury of plants that aren't dead. Once I finally reached the front door I tried to open it before the elf could but another from the inside beat me to it. I smirked lightly and allowed myself to be ushered in by two elves now. Draco was waiting in the foyer looking a little… upset to see me. "Hello Potter… I didn't think it was you." He said sounding a little moody but I just smiled graciously and handed him his gift, but the prat didn't accept it and simply walked past me to get to a room off to the side. It seemed to be a room made for entertaining with a warm fire and large comfy couches.

He sat down and made himself comfortable but I just stood in the doorway and stared. Dark shadows hung under his eyes but in a matter of seconds they seemed to fade. Melting like ice on a warm summer day. He smiled sweetly at me and then seemed to realize what he was doing and scowled. "Aren't you going to sit down?" Draco spat allowing me to notice his abnormally pale features. I just nodded and sat down, appreciated the pure gold of the door I walked through to get into this room. The warmth of the fire kept the room cozy along with the softness of the couches but I wouldn't dare compliment his hospitality just yet. "Why do you want to see me, Potter?" He practically sighed just as an elf appeared and offered an assortment of fruit, vegetables, cheeses, and sweets. He took a grape and plopped it into his mouth making my own water.

"I just want to get to know you, Draco. You've obviously gotten along with Luna otherwise she wouldn't have threatened me this morning. Ginny likes you although she won't admit it, and face it… those two are pretty hard judges of character. If they like you then I'd be a fool not to." I grinned because I could then watched his eyebrows rise before he grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice, a drink I hadn't noticed brought in.

"If what you say is true… then what would you like to know? Although be warned, I will give you the same treatment." He said in such a graceful move that I swallowed roughly even though I hadn't take anything from the platter as of yet.

"Have you been out of the Manor lately? I never see you in the papers." I said quickly and began to hit myself inwardly for the crude display of nerves. I could have said it much better, but apparently better is not what Draco needed. He smirked lightly at me.

"I go out often but I stopped recently. Luna and Ginny have been gracing me with _their_ presence lately rather than the other way around." He informed me lightly and took another sip of his drink. "Why haven't you gone to any of her auctions? Well… they weren't necessarily _her_ auctions but they still held her paintings in them. Why have you not come? I would expect you to be much more caring for your friends."

I froze at this knowing full well that I just ignored the invitations. I have no excuse for never coming. Luna paints all sorts of things and she's incredible, but I never bother to go… because I don't want to. Even though it's for her I never go because it's not my scene. A flush of humiliation and guilt covered my face as I looked down at my hands which were pulling at each other. "I had no reason not to come, I just didn't. But I will… because I should. It was a dick move."

Draco snorted, but I'm not sure if it's at my promise or my language so I ignored it. But I did notice something interesting. He was stroking the wrist where his Death Mark lay. I stared at it curiously but said nothing and instead began to think about my next question. That's when I noticed a door nearby. The door was plain, completely ordinary compared to all the other doors in this house which absolutely scream wealth and power. The door appeared to be made out of wood of some kind and was painted a dull grey. That's when I noticed an engraving on it which said 'Mirror Mirror on the wall' with such elegant writing I was sure that no carpenter was able to do it. It must have been a spell of some sort.

"What lies behind that door?" I asked but I said it quietly. Draco didn't say or do anything as he stared at me with a glazed sort of look on his face. Waving a hand in front of his mercury eyes I watched them refocus and then repeated my question. His eyes narrowed then and he stood.

"I think we're done for today." He growled and that's when I saw a flash of white on his wrist where the mark lies. Reaching forward without permission I grabbed hold of it and pulled the cloth of his shirt up to see the cuts. Seven white lines horizontally destroyed the mark that lay there. It couldn't truly destroy it but it hid the mark that should be there.

"What did you do to yourself?" I hissed and watched in mild horror as he thrust his wrist away from me and cradled it against his chest.

"What the bloody hell do you know?" Draco shouted and took a step back but only succeeded in falling onto the couch. "I'm fucking _trying_ to be the good guy! I'm trying to do everything I can to be good in this fucked up world but no one gives a damn! No one even sees me except Luna and Ginny and… and you don't have the fucking right to be mad at me right now!"

It's kind of funny; I'm not looking at Draco Malfoy right now. Sure it's him. He has the blond hair and the mercury eyes full of hate and loathing, just like in school. But those red cheeks and the fury that's radiating from all over him… the way that his fists are clenched and that when he's not screaming at me he's biting his lips so hard that they're bleeding. This isn't Draco Malfoy, the man who owns his parents fortune and estate. This is the boy I went to school with, when he has no one to hide behind. This is Draco. Draco the _child_, Draco the _coward_, Draco the boy who is so _hurt_ and so _lonely_ that he has to crawl into a hole and keep it bottled in until someone finds him in the girls' bathroom and casts a spell that he knows _nothing_ about. This is the Draco that I'm looking at.

Reaching out I grabbed hold of his cloak and held him tightly against my chest. "Draco… what's behind that door?" I asked softly and listened as his breathing became erratic with sobs coming out as he held onto me tightly. I knew he wouldn't be able to speak for a while so I just walked slowly and led him to the room. It felt like my own world was crushing as I held onto him tightly. I wanted to come here and fuck this… mess that I'm currently holding. That's what I came here to do. But I can't do it. I can't fuck someone who's even more broken than I am. I just can't. It might be the little amount of heroics I've retained even after dying but… I can't help it.

Opening the door I found myself in Draco's heaven. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe evenly but it was hard. So I just pulled him inside with me as he buried his face in my shoulder even deeper. I could feel the wetness from his tears but I ignored it and instead looked at the room around me. Nothing was on the floor except for grey wood which seemed firm enough but the walls… that's what caught my eyes. Mirrors of all shapes and colors aligned every inch and even went to the ceiling. The room was about twice the size of my bedroom and there seemed to be no use for this place except to hold the dozen of mirrors. "One hundred and forty-six," He whispered it against my shoulder as though I should know what he means but I just shook my head.

"There's no way you have one hundred and forty-six mirrors… no one is _that_ narcissistic." I whispered and rubbed his back, trying to joke but I knew he's being serious. "It's funny that that's what I brought you as a gift then." I smiled but it was bitter. "Why do you have all these mirrors?"

To be honest I didn't expect an answer, not for a while at least, but apparently Draco is much stronger than I thought.

"I was always told that I'm beautiful. Sexy is the term I prefer but from my parents I loved being called a beautiful angel. They wanted the world to see me and know how amazing I look and how incredible I am. So that's when they started giving me mirrors so I could see and always know just how precious I am. I guess no one knew that the skin deep shit they were feeding me would leak into adulthood and cause me to make poor decisions. But that's my own fault, not theirs. So when I lost everything this became my haven… oh God why the hell am I telling _you_ this?" He whispered harshly but then seemed to recover himself.

"But… you see I needed someone to notice it. Because this is all I am. This skin-deep beauty is all I am and all I ever was. I needed someone to see it and someone to notice it. At first I was happy for Luna and Ginny's company but it's not enough. These mirrors… it's like someone is watching me from every angle and adoring it, trying to possess as much of me into their vision as possible. I love it. This room is my haven and the one that I treasure beyond all others because in some twisted way it gives me what I want. It will never be like actual people seeing me but I can't ask for miracles at this point." He smiled against my shirt at that making me frown but when I turned to look at the wall where we just walked in, just to admire other mirrors, I noticed something… something that made me frown.

"Why is there a painting… in here?" I hesitated over the word me but when Draco stiffened I knew he knows what I'm talking about. A painting rested on the door comfortably but that's not what bugs me. It's a painting of me with my back facing the frame but there are still traces of my face, enough to see the longing in my eyes and the bitter smile on my lips. In the painting I'm looking out into a playground that's absolutely full of children but somehow it's obvious that I'm not welcome. And so the me in the painting just sits there, playing with a stick which has sparks of blue and green coming from it, but even with that amazing trick it's obvious that I would rather be out there.

"This was at her last auction. The bid only started at a thousand and no one was offering a single galleon for it. Of course this was in the muggle world so I'm not quite sure what the equivalent is but it doesn't matter. I bought it immediately and brought it here, I have no idea why." The words were so rushed that it took me a moment to understand what he had said. Then I nodded slowly.

"This helps you?" I asked softly making him nod in return before looking up at me. He must have cast a charm on his eyes because there is no way they wouldn't be swollen and red after all that crying. Glancing at my shirt, my eyes narrowed slightly. Of course he wouldn't bother to dry the mess he made, damn prick.

"It lets me know that someone else has it bad." He said gruffly and pulled away completely before straightening his robes with a scowl. "I really hate you, Potter." Draco said darkly but it was nowhere near as dark as I'm sure he wanted it to be. I just smiled at him and ran a hand through my hair before looking at the mirrors once more.

"You know… I've been thinking about you for a while. Didn't get the courage to pursue you until I found out that you've been talking to Luna, it's funny that something like that gave me the courage. Here I am discovering things about you I never knew-"

Instantly I was cut off with a kiss. It was harsh and rough with no room for sweetness. I returned it just as roughly and brought him closer so that our bodies brushed against each other, more particularly, our groins. A soft moan escaped his lips but I didn't care as I led him out of the room. Wetness gathered at the sides of my eyes. These revelations don't change anything. When tomorrow comes around I'll be waking up at home, making myself some coffee, going to work, and maybe stopping by to see Luna. I won't be pursuing Draco and I won't be attempting to let the world see he's changed. I will be accepting offers to go to her auctions from now on but I won't be there for him. I won't make a habit of fucking him and I won't promise anything I can't give.

But for now this is fine because life is cruel, and we know that. Draco and I both know that, it's no wonder that the savior of the world is cruel as well. It would just be strange otherwise… right? I'm not supposed to be the Golden Boy anymore, the facades have fallen and all that's here right now is Draco and me and once tomorrow comes around…

We'll just breathe.

Because that's all we really can do in this situation. I don't expect him to come out more and I don't expect my world to shatter and change because of one good fuck. No, life doesn't work like that. So I'm going to have my way… for once. I'm going to enjoy myself and make sure that he has fun. I will probably cry and scream and destroy things in my flat but that doesn't matter because… I won't be changing a damn thing. He has his life and I have mine. This is just a moment, and moments don't do anything for anyone.

They just give memories and make it harder to take that breath that will help us live. That's all that moments do but these fucking moments could be our last. "Harry…" He moaned against me and laid me down on the couch. I grinned up at him and then gasped aloud as I felt him enter me. These moments will help us live but make it harder to breathe, how ironic is that?

These moments… these possibilities are just moments and just possibilities. I won't take them up and I won't remember them for the rest of my life… but they will mean something. Some fucking thing that I'll think back on. So we'll fuck, and we'll have a moment so precious and so fragile that we'll both be too afraid to move… and then I'll force us to move on. I'm Harry Fucking Potter. I can't do this forever, I can't have a happy ending with some bloke who fought on the wrong side.

I smiled encouragingly and kissed along his neck feeling him flush against me. Draco will be fine without me, he's a little broken and maybe a little worn around the edges but he's here and he exists even if the people around him forget that.

I won't.

Tears threatened to fall as I gathered my clothes later on that night, but I blinked them away easily and let myself out. But when I got to the front door there was Draco with his arms wrapping around me and his mouth at my neck. "I finally got you… do you really think I'm going to let you go?" He whispered making me smirk.

As long as we can breathe…

We'll be fine.


End file.
